Loving One Another Biblically Requires Some Confrontation

Have you ever heard someone give the following advice when some sort of relational conflict has arisen and tempers begin to flare: ‘Why can’t we just love everybody’ or ‘Let’s just love everybody.’ On the surface, this advice seems biblical because “love never fails” (1 Cor 13:8 NASB), and it “covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet 4:8 NASB). While affirming the aspects of love mentioned in the previous verses, biblical love has to also be understood in how it is to be displayed within relationships (positively and negatively). Since the purpose of this present discussion is on how love works during relational tension, the remaining content will focus on how love works during conflict.

At times, a person may experience some minor tension within relationships that does not lead to anger.[i] In such times, the person should simply forgive the offending party, and allow love to cover the offenses (cf. 1 Pet 4:8). As the context of 1 Peter 4:8 suggests, believers should actively seek to build positive relations with their fellow believers. According to Ephesians 4:32, Christians are to practice forgiveness as they show kindness and compassion to each other. With this in view, the goal of forgiveness must be ever present in a believer’s mind even when tension arises with another.

While maintaining the commitment to forgive, Christians will at times find themselves or their brother/sister in a state of anger over something that has transpired within the context of their relationship. During these moments, biblical love would not have believers merely sweep everything under the rug. Rather, these believers should take action to resolve their differences. This would involve dealing with the problem directly while desiring to forgive and have peace restored.

In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells his listeners to first resolve relational tensions with their brothers/sisters before they make offerings to God (Matt 5:23-24). While we may become angry, Paul tells us not to sin and commands believers “not let the sun go down on [their] anger” (Eph 4:26 NASB). Instead, believers who feel that their brothers/sisters have sinned against them should confront the offender directly: “Now if your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have gained your brother” (Matt 18:15 NASB).

By confronting each other and dealing with conflict directly, believers will be loving their fellow believers biblically. By finding resolution, restoring peace, and allowing forgiveness to reign, believers will be strengthened in their ability to avoid allowing more serious relational sins to manifest. These sins include “speaking against each other” and “complaining … against one another” (James 4:1; 5:9 NASB).

[i]Here, I am discussing minor relational issues and not sins that arise from a heart given over to sin. Such sins include theft, sexual sin, slander, deceitfulness, etc.